RSS

Hazardous Insulation

Aleichem

Anyone even remotely familiar with ultra-conservative enclaves might not be surprised to learn that there are insiders who see it as their mission to keep things just so. It stands to reason that the more insular a community is, the more self-regulating it is as well. This dynamic is not unique to religious groups. There are many small (and not so small) towns where outsiders (defined as anyone living there less than 25 years) are noticed and suspect, and locals are watched for deviation from the community norm. In some more traditional communities there may even be groups or committees of older families who consider themselves the keepers of the status quo. They may give their groups names that include the words “civic” or “betterment.” They may even host annual events (on their own behalf.)

Knowing this (or at least suspecting this) means we shouldn’t find it the least bit remarkable that such undertakings occur in America’s melting pot; New York City. This is a city made up of any and every ethnic and religious group. It is also a city that is much more a conglomerate of many small towns than one grand entity. One of those small towns is Hasidic and in Brooklyn. For Hasidim almost everything about their lives hinges upon being insular. Many of their customs stem from a way of life centuries old. You can only imagine (if you are not Hasidic) the level of vigilance needed to keep the modern world at bay in the 21st century. If you’ve been in almost any house of worship in the past few years you’ve no doubt seen someone texting? Yeah, that doesn’t happen in a Hassidic synagogue. I’m guessing you know of a parent trying to limit their offspring’s television and video game consumption? Yeah, not so much with the Hasidim. It’s a different world for them. For outsiders the Hasidim are probably more similar to characters from Sholem Aleichem’s Tevye the milkman stories than anyone they actually know. And that doesn’t happen without some community effort and oversight.

There is a group of keepers of very specific “do’s” and “don’ts” of a Hasidic community in Brooklyn going by the name; modesty committee. This ‘group’ considers it their duty to temper tantalization. Some of their (reported) activities are far from benign. Open threats, theft, violence are committed by people calling themselves members of a modesty committee. Modesty infractions range from the bizarre; fully dressed mannequins in a shop window, to (possibly) relatable; excessive cell phone usage with the opposite sex. Mostly there’s a lot of bullying involved. People in power pushing people without power around. No surprises there. It’s what lies at the heart of the committee’s furor that is most remarkable. The modesty that is being policed is for the benefit of young (and presumably not so young) men in the community. That’s right. Ultra-religous men could potentially grow wild with lust from viewing a clothed mannequin. If the material on a girl’s tights is not opaque enough a teenage boy could be sent ’round the bend. (I got news for you; a breeze could send a teenage boy ’round the bend.) All in all, this policing is about controlling the (presumably) uncontrollable impulses of men and boys. So the rigid dogma doesn’t do that, nor does the rigid and insulated daily life? Even with the most dire of social (and spiritual) consequences the only thing separating a decent man/boy and an uncontrollable bundle of sexual id is the fiber content of black tights? Well that’s not very flattering is it?

At the end of the day does anyone really care about what goes on in groups that opt out of the larger community? Maybe not, but they should. If you are going to live anywhere on the grid, there really is no such thing as total isolation. Enclave behavior affects outsiders either overtly or passively. We all share many of the same resources and we should (and need to) care how people are treated. It is a safe assumption that the primary targets of modesty committees are most often women and girls. The women and girls are seen as existing solely in terms of how they impact men and boys. This country has gotten to a point where we’re not comfortable with women relegated to the role of accessory to men’s lives. No doubt there are positive things to find in any insular society. There is most probably a strong sense of support and care for many members. But there is also a great deal of protection for members who abuse their power. Human rights violations and civil rights erosion sometimes happen slowly and undramatically. But they can only happen when enough people turn their heads.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on January 30, 2013 in Cultural Critique

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Step Into The Sun, Step Into The Light

emerald city

It’s been four weeks since we; stubbed out our last cigarette, scarfed our last overgrown cupcake, corked the bottle, and put on sneakers. How are we doing? Have there been some slips? Have there been any results? Well there’s some bad news and some good news. Bad first? Well, three weeks is when a new activity really loses its aura of novelty. The excitement of starting something has ebbed. Now it’s just doing the activity. If you haven’t seen immediate or significant results you might just be thinking; “one donut never hurt anyone.” You may have started a convincing inner dialogue of “Ya know four weeks is a long time. I showed I could do it if I put my mind to it. This is just a bad time for me. I’ll pick it up again when…” And you’d be right. January is a dumb time to change physical behavior. So are you ready for the good news? A new behavior becomes habit at five weeks. That’s right, you are almost at the sweet spot. This doesn’t mean that in one week you will awaken to a svelte non-craving new self. It means that it will no longer feel like a virtual living hell on earth to engage in your resolution behavior.

Instead of simply enduring this last week of drudge, let’s use it to tweak ourselves.

If it’s tobacco that you are trying to excise from your life, do you have proper support? Have you seen a doctor (who might suggest nicotine patches/gums?) Do you have a (smoke-free) buddy you can talk to/hang with? Have you cleaned and made uncomfortable all your smoking spots? Have you eliminated or altered smoking triggers (that after dinner coffee, those work breaks, the commuting)? Are you putting your cigarette money somewhere visible? Have you earmarked your new wealth for something? In just one week you are going to feel incredibly proud of yourself! You’ve made real and considerable strides in prolonging and improving the quality of your life. And your skin is going to look so much better.

If comfort foods have made you much too comfortable you may be questioning your resolve right about now. It’s January! A long dark month quite simply designed for massive doses of carbohydrates. But we’re four weeks in, so dammit it’s full steam ahead. If you’re interested in losing more than 20% of your body weight, you’ve seen a doctor, yes? Have you banished all processed/sugar infused/empty calorie food and beverage from your home/bag/car/desk/pockets/nightstand/locker? Good. Do you write down any and everything that passes your lips? You must. Food amnesia is the single biggest weight loss sabotage. You may be eating/drinking at times and not considering the calories. That overpriced latte? It’s not coffee it’s a hot milkshake. The glass of wine (or two or three) after work/with dinner total real calories. The birthday/retirement/fertility office party cake? Eating with people you don’t particularly care for does not burn calories. There’s nothing wrong with overpriced coffee, wine or cake. There’s only something wrong with mindless eating. It will get you. Now have you found a nice substitution for the afternoon snack/wine? Perhaps some flavored teas? Maybe lighting a scented candle is all the sensory comfort you need. The only way permanent behavior change works is if it doesn’t feel punitive. Consider adopting one or two new (or forgotten) behaviors that would feel rewarding.

Have you noticed that your workout clothes aren’t being washed as much as they were a few weeks ago? Is all the treadmill/stair-master/soul cycling very dull? Does real life get in the way? You’re not a failure; you’re just not a hamster who is perfectly enthralled with walking to nowhere. It’s time to find what makes you happy. No really. There was probably once a time you enjoyed playing/moving. Did you love to dance? Was it double-dutch that made your heart sing? Figure it out! Find the adult 21st century equivalent and do it. No one is watching and no one cares. The only way this is going to work (and it will work) is if you enjoy what you’re doing. Maybe you love learning new things? Use that to your fitness advantage. Take on new and complicated activities on a regular basis. Fitness is not a chore it’s time for yourself and a wonderful way to feel (and stay) alive.

Changing behavior in any real and lasting way is not easy. (If it were the world would be a much nicer place.) We all want (in our heart of hearts) to be our best selves. Often our best intentions are stymied by the pesky existence of others. But we do have complete control over how we treat our bodies. Physical behavior change that will lead to a healthier (and perhaps happier) you is attainable and within reach.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on January 28, 2013 in Well-Being

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Not Ready To Wear

Audrey

Once the daytime temperature high dips below 25 (and stays there for days) all style bets are off. If your entire exposure to the out of doors consists of the 10-20 steps from your front door to your car to your office door, your appearance still suffers. Even if you don’t have hat hair (and for g-d’s sake you could die from being that vain!) your hair is dried & fried. Your nose is beet red and running and so are your eyes. No one looks good when it’s this cold. In fact it’s a minor miracle that the northern states repopulate. It’s no wonder that fashion magazines and websites are filled with spring apparel. Clothes stores turn up the thermostat to help with cognitive dissonance and faltering sales. As we start to sweat in our sweaters and coats purchasing a sleeveless shift (in January) seems almost reasonable. Perusing open-toed shoes is a delightful diversion and a beacon of hope for our unvarnished neglected ice-cold toes. Just the idea that our feet may someday see the light of day again can be enough to help us soldier on.

It can dampen the spirits just a wee bit when the fashion being pitched isn’t exactly the golden ticket one hoped for. While I’m sure there are women (over the age of 8) who can rock pastels, it’s probably a very small percentage. Easter eggs seemed to have shared a special hug and created multiple lines of shoes and accessories this season. Pastel green? Really? It’s hard to even find a reason for that color to exist let alone find its way onto leather goods. Okay, so maybe this won’t be the season to purchase a new pair of shoes (did you hear that? and angel just lost its wings.) That leaves a whole lot of fashion/merchandise to drool/swoon over, right? Not so fast. There seems to be a trend (trend: a nice word for all manufacturers take their cues from one or two designers) of unflattering shapes and cuts. Granted the cropped pant has been around for a few seasons, but it’s really in its glory this spring. It is simply everywhere. In fact, you’d probably be hard pressed to find many full-length pants for sale. Now with all due respect to Gilligan, cropped pants are simply unflattering if you are under 5’10”. Making the leg line shorter (or stumpier) is simply not a sensible silhouette goal. Adding to the stumpy effect is the addition of high waists (with pleats!) and drawstrings and/or peplum; adding volume, volume and more volume. A perfectly normal proportioned person now looks like a balloon animal. To top off this squatty look are voluminous/tiered/ruffled blouses and tops. The entire ensemble sending the distinct message; “I’m in here somewhere.”

Now not many of us enter early springtime at our fighting weight. So there is something to say for some strategic camouflaging. But strategic camouflage rarely involves adding volume and making things look bigger. A little extra middle is best hidden with a tailored top or jacket. A little extra hip or bottom is best served by a pant that fits perfectly on the hip and bottom (probably tailored at the waist) and has a full (not oversized) leg. But these are really four season rules. Whatever are we to do about finding our light at the end of our 25-degree tunnel? Flipping to the back of the magazine to the home and garden section can work. Images of lush blooming flowers and greenery fill the heart and head with hope. Gorgeous photo spreads of salads, mixed grills and sangria can save you from a full-blown sweats on, pizza ordered, “I’ve lost all hope” 48 hour bender. Before we know it the temperature will rise and we’ll be able to smell the earth once more. We will be inexplicably surprised when we see the first sign of emerging crocuses. In just a matter of (several) weeks the ground will be dotted with tiny brave flowers in the most stunning shades of purple and yellow, which incidentally would look fabulous in a shoe.

 
7 Comments

Posted by on January 25, 2013 in Style

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

We, The People

45th President

Our 44th President of the United States celebrated his (second) inauguration today. An African-American president (re)elected to the highest office in the land is something to note. That today is also a federal holiday celebrating Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. is poetic. Hopefully the overwhelming significance of this occurrence is lost on the youngest generation of Americans. But for some of us it is simply breathtaking. If you are old enough and young enough you were taught about the civil rights movement by teachers who were in the fight. You listened to a scratchy recording of the I Have A Dream Speech played by a teacher who had been there. You may have witnessed (through child’s eyes) the placards and marches for E.R.A. and the first stirrings of gay liberation. To have one’s first understanding of civics to be that of exclusion and assassination is profound.

Fast forward to today: a day when the Vice President of the United States was sworn in by Justice Sonya Sotamayer (an Hispanic woman), the inaugural invocation was given by Myrlie Evers (the widow of Medgar Evers) and the inaugural poem was written and read by Richard Blanco (an openly gay Cuban.) The master of ceremonies for this great event was Senator Chuck Schumer (a Brooklyn Jew.) Have we covered all hues of the rainbow?

It is easy and human to be frustrated by what often feels like glacially slow progress. We know what is right and grow impatient seeing it become a reality. But today, and perhaps only for today, all things seem possible. That a president of the United States of America would mention Stonewall in an inaugural address is simply awesome. That Stonewall is (finally) said in the same breath as Selma and Seneca Falls is remarkable. That it was said by a 51-year-old President is not surprising. My guess is that he too was taught about the fights of the 1960s by those who had fought. I’ve often wondered what happens to a generation born into a rash of assassinations, college takeovers, and fire hoses. Today I finally have the answer: they grow up to lead the free world.

 
5 Comments

Posted by on January 21, 2013 in Cultural Critique

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Be Mine ♥

valentine

I came across an advert for bespoke classroom Valentine’s Day cards. Remember those lovely flimsy boxes of 35-40 (yes, classes were that large once) cartoon festooned cards? The envelopes were whisper thin and there were always a couple of extra tossed into the cellophane wrapped box for the inevitable grade school penmanship mishaps. A grade school consumer could choose from a collection of cherubic animals holding hearts and coyly asking the recipient to “Be Mine” or from themed collections (e.g., Winnie The Pooh, Charlie Brown, Strawberry Shortcake, etc.) The themed collections always posed a minor quandary as to the intent of the card exchange. Should a card reflect solely the interests of the giver (and thereby be best supported by the sender’s favorite characters?) Or should a card be chosen to please the recipient (no matter how little is known about the recipient?)

When giving a gift (and what else is a greeting card but a written gift) it’s best to think of the recipient. You might feel most comfortable/joyful in a novelty shop, but a whoopee cushion for your humorless uncle is going to fall flat. The point of giving something to someone else is to think of what pleases him or her and act on that thought. (This is why re-gifting is merely passive-aggression in a pretty package.) No one wants to receive something (card, gift, etc.) that merely communications; “Phew, checked You off the list!” Ouch.

So what to make of the advert mentioned above. This offer, from a photo-processing company, was to convert a head shot of one’s tyke into fetching classroom Valentine’s Day cards. Now unless my child is Elizabeth Taylor (and her signed photo is serious money in the bank for a second-grader) or (G-d Forbid!) missing; why would I want her/his photo plastered on distributed flyers cards? Does the parent (who would have to do this kind of high level card selection) honestly think’ “You know what would make my kid’s classmates really feel special?…” as they crop and save? Doubtful. My guess is that unlike the small child (with his/her developing sense of empathy and otherness) the parent thinks; “OMG how cute!” It’s not a crime to think one’s child is just precious, in fact the human race is dependent upon it. It’s just that it misses the point. We do things for other people to make other people feel good. That’s it. It really is that simple. Don’t believe me? Ask a child.

 
1 Comment

Posted by on January 20, 2013 in Holiday

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,