I am a feminist. I do not waiver pronouncing that fact, and do not understand people who do. “Well, I wouldn’t call myself a feminist, but I do enjoy the right to vote, work, control my fertility, etc.” Good G-d, just say you’re a feminist. It’s not a dirty word, and it is not synonymous with man-hating. But I digress. I believe that women are much more than the sum of their parts (augmented or otherwise.) At times, I have resented the male to female reassigned peoples that equate womanhood with wearing make-up and high heels. I am about as femme as they come, but it is a choice not a condition of my gender.
Here’s the rub. I live in the world. My beliefs aside, I know that as a woman I am judged on my appearance far more than my male counterparts. I also have no doubt that I have used that inequity to my advantage at times. Like cheese and fish, the gender-physicality-inequity phenomenon, becomes more pungent with age. One need only turn on the television to confirm that more 60+ actors are considered swoon worthy then 60+ actresses. Thanks, in no small part to the baby boomers, the pendulum has swayed just a bit in the past decade. For their part in this incremental change, I’d like to personally thank Helen Mirren and Diane Keaton. (If anyone had ever told me I’d be thanking an actress for getting naked on screen…)
I doubt the gender-physicality phenomenon will ever be anything other than unequal (on the screen and on the streets.) It’s just not how we are wired. One need only walk through an art museum to be reminded that this disparity is not a new phenomenon. Women (for reasons I won’t attempt to argue) have always been the preferred vista.
Personally, I have made my peace with this situation. For quite some time actually. I believe it all balances out. I don’t take any particular pleasure in pointing out that (socially) men often get the short end of the stick. Women have far more freedom in expressing themselves. We have latitude in our attire (if you don’t believe me, try to remember the last time you saw a man going to work in a dress.) We (mostly) walk through life with an air of perceived innocence (has anyone ever looked askance at a woman alone in a playground?) We are not viewed as undesirable dating material because we a) don’t have a degree b) live with our mother or c) don’t own property. We are expected to express ourselves emotionally and physically, and might even live longer for doing so. For me, the social benefits of my gender far outweigh the physical bias.
I have no issue with the fact (yes, it is fact) that men and women differ biologically. Having differences is not a license to be treated differently however. I enjoy and expect equal rights. I have not a doubt in the world that many many will take issue with all I have expounded upon above. (Some) women in particular, are very angry at having their appearance be acknowledged in any way. It’s not a constructive use of anger. We live in a world of mostly sighted people. Like most mammals, we use our sight to learn about others and our environment.
So as I age, and hopefully I will, I accept that unlike Mr. Tom Selleck, I may not become increasingly dreamy. As long as I also get to chide people for cursing (in public) with impunity, talk to unknown small children without being mirandized, and hug and kiss my friends in public without notice, I’m not complaining.