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One Nation…*

11 Jan

church state

The minister selected to deliver the benediction at the 2013 inauguration has withdrawn. It seems that his well-publicized (and recorded) anti-homosexual remarks were creating a distraction. This of course is not the first time that a preacher who has expressed bigotry has been offered an exalted platform by (current and past) White House occupants. This may however been the first time that bigotry was acknowledged as potentially offensive (after the selection but before the event.)

The thing is, religion by its very definition is about exclusion. ‘This is what we believe in.’ There can be no ‘we’ without a ‘thee.’ Whether we personally engage with the philosophy of organized religion or not is somewhat beside the point. What is of significance is how comfortable we seem to be with mixing church and state. In most of our lifetimes we have never before seen the extreme polarizing and lethal effects of religion that are in play today. War is raged and terror acts committed by people citing a conflict of religious ideals. We know from our own recent presidential election how divisive religion has become in this country. It has been many decades since we considered ourselves a white Christian nation. Our language reflects that change. We are cautious in how we identify people, we use euphemisms and/or bundle all winter occasions in place of casually tossing about; “Merry Christmas.’ We can and do change. Yet, our public institutions are still decorated with Christmas trees (presumably paid with tax dollars.) Our government hosts prayer breakfasts and includes prayer in ceremonies of state. Why?

Religion is a private matter and personal decision. If memory serves, that was the motivation for founding America. So why do we unconsciously continue to allow religion into our government? Is it unconscious? Could it be that there are people in power who still have cold war tics? Are we afraid of seeming the very thing some accuse us of; godless? Could it be that there are people who do not trust strength of character, integrity and morality without clear and present doctrine? Perhaps it’s a little bit of habit, a little bit of superstition and just a dash of unconsciousness. At a time in history when we seem to go to lengths to seem inclusive and/or ‘tolerant’ it all seems embarrassingly anachronistic. Seeing a modern president (or any elected official) include religious observance into official state business is like seeing someone pat their secretary on the bottom. To my eyes anyway.

*In 1954, (during the McCarthy era and communism scare) Congress passed a bill, which was signed into law, to add the words “under God” to the pledge of allegiance. 

 
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Posted by on January 11, 2013 in Cultural Critique

 

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A Chance For Happy Days

09 Jan

arnolds

Adolescence is not fun or pretty. There is nothing “How lovely to be a woman” or “I am 17 going on 18” about it. It’s a wretched maelstrom of physical and emotional change. Everything feels chaotic and unending and there’s not enough life experience to offer a glimmer of hope. This is why teen suicide is so very tragic. No one would deny a teen’s real and crushing psychic pain. But we would probably challenge them in their sense of permanency. ‘Wait’ we collectively say; ‘it gets better.’ And we mean it, and it’s likely to be true. For some time the news of teen suicides has be packaged with pleas for adolescent mental health care. Articles and news desk pundits tell us how to identify a child in crisis and where to get help. But today’s news that 55% of suicidal teenagers had received mental health care is jarring. Yes, there are still 45% of suicidal teenagers not receiving care. But the majority of teens in crisis are getting help. Therapy is tricky business of course. Finding the right therapist for a patient can be challenging. Finding gifted and accessible adolescent specialists can be tough. Prescribing just the right medication to someone who isn’t growing and changing daily is difficult. Monitoring the taking of medication is…well if you’ve ever met (or been) a teen, you know how crafty they can be.

Whether we think that ending one’s life is a personal choice is irrelevant when it comes to adolescents. We may believe that grown people who have exhausted themselves and every option to alleviate their physical and/or psychic pain are entitled to just stop, but that’s not applicable to discussions of children. Teenagers are by definition closer to children on the maturity spectrum. They simply don’t have the life experience or fully developed brain to make such a decision. There are teens who have serious physical and/or mental health issues. There are teens who’ve witnessed or been victims of horrific acts. If they were middle-aged people still suffering intensely this would be a different conversation. But they are teenagers. They are not allowed to drink, vote, live alone or rent a car. They are simply incapable of making a rational terminal decision.

So what can be done? We know that boys are more ‘successful’ at attempts than girls. We also know they tend to be more violent overall. Unfortunately it does not go without saying that there should never be weapons in a home that includes children. There also should be no access (no guns or other weapons in cars, workplace, sheds, trailers, etc.) No weapons ever. There needs to be talking lots of talking. Most teens are sullen and uncommunicative at times, but adults should not be. Your teen may be bigger and stronger than you, but you are still the adult. If your child is more sullen than not, and/or has lost interest in activities (did he/she quit a team or a friend?) tell the school’s administration and teachers. The more people watching out the better. If the child is utterly noncompliant (won’t come out of room, won’t go to school, etc.) it’s time to involve more people and perhaps inpatient care.

It’s hard to think of an adult-ish appearing person with a full vocabulary as a child. But they are. For some purposes a teenager is more akin to a newborn than an adult. They are on the brink of learning an entirely new way of engaging with the world. They are often frightened of leaving the security of the home and entering the world on their own. We, (i.e., all adults in a teens life) must think back to how we scrutinized every movement and development in their newborn lives. We must revert back to the parenting that intervenes when something seems off. It’s frightening to challenge anyone let alone your child who makes your heart ache. It’s scary to exert authority over someone who might be larger then yourself. It’s terrifying to think that you might say the wrong thing; the thing that will actually drive him/her over the edge or out of your reach. Silence never saved anyone.

 
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Posted by on January 9, 2013 in Childhood, Well-Being

 

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An Illness In The Family

07 Jan

 

hands

Periodically, most often prompted by crisis, mental health pops up in our cultural conversation. Pundits point out the obvious flaws in our care system, medical professionals speak of conflicting and vague diagnostics, and some families share heart wrenching personal tales. This flurry of post-crisis activity is actually a microcosm of the complex issues of mental health care: People state the obvious, others admit to the complexity and the people in need are suffering.

Family members (and by ‘family’ we mean everyone who shares love) are often in the direct line of fire of mental illness. Their lives can be upended by the illness of a loved one and their every moment consumed with pursuing effective care. It is those closest to someone ill who will witness and be subjected to troubling behaviors. And unless the ill person is a minor or the behaviors so blatantly outrageous, it is difficult to judge when it’s appropriate to intervene and to what extent. We are a culture that holds personal freedom and autonomy in the highest regard. And while we like to tell people what to do with their lives in the abstract, we shrink from doing so in reality. We don’t want to unnecessarily offend and even if we did, it’s difficult to know what to say or do. It might be helpful to think of behaviors and approaches categorically.

Danger to self or others – There’s no wiggle room here. Our society has agreed that impending physical harm trumps personal freedom. While the “danger to self or others” definition is meant to be applied in crisis, the philosophy applies more universally. When asking ourselves; “Is it time to seriously intervene?” we can use this statement as a guide. It is time to move on from nagging and/or cajoling a family member to eat when you see/feel that their weight loss is dangerous. If someone is driving when drinking, passing out and/or injuring themselves when drinking, they are a danger. If someone cannot get out of bed and has vulnerable people in his/her care he/she is a danger. The question to ask when making this judgment is; “Is someone going to get hurt?”

In crisis is probably the most common presenting challenge. There is no immediate danger but instead a person who is simply not well. For the most challenging mental illnesses (i.e., schizophrenia, bi-polar, personality disorders) a state of crisis is a common occurrence. For people faced with depression or anxiety, crises can be one-offs or few and far between. Depression is a real and debilitating illness, it should not be confused with sadness. Being sad is prompted by incident: a death, a world event, a hormonal event all can trigger sadness. Of course these events can also trigger depression. The key is how long is the darkness lasting and has it changed the very nature of the individual? The same is true for anxiety. When a response to real and present danger morphs into sustained hyper-vigilance it is not serving the individual well.

Intervention – Erase any image you might have of corralled family members confronting someone while shakily holding index cards. It’s a powerful scene for television and movies but is flat out surreal in real life. If there are other caring people who can assist in getting the person in need appropriate care, so be it. But folding chairs and prepared statements are not necessary. If the person is in crisis (danger to self or others) they need immediate professional assistance. If someone has demonstrated a desire to hurt themselves or others they can and should be hospitalized and treated until they are stable. If the person in crisis is compliant you can take them to an emergency room yourself. If they are violent the police will help them to the hospital. *Note: It is best to assume that each and every threat of harm is valid. There is nothing to gain from assuming someone is crying wolf. If nothing else the emergency room staff will become more familiar with the person in crisis and be able to provide more specific care with each return trip.

For people not in crisis, intervention can be a hairy and anxiety provoking business. Every situation, relationship and individual is different. There are no universal guidelines on what to do, but there are some pretty clear guidelines on what not to do. Do not make it easy for someone to not get help. Do not take on the role of amateur therapist. Do some research and find a therapist in the right price-range (any doctor’s office, school, women’s health clinic, or divorce attorney will have referrals.) When the individual seeks to emote or purge have a contact number on hand and take full responsibility; “I want to help in a meaningful way, I’m your friend/family but not a therapist.” If an individual refuses professional help do not abandon them but do not engage in the fiction (i.e., “it’s just a phase, the season, pesticides, politics, etc.) Keep in mind that they are not entirely themselves and may not be the most reliable narrator. Bring them into the world (perhaps kicking and screaming.) Do not sit by their side and watch television. Go for a walk; remind them of the world they’re missing out on. Do not lose sight of the goal of professional help. Do not give up until you’ve exhausted every argument and yourself.

Someday we will treat mental health as we do dental or physical health. Blame and shame will dissipate and systemic effective care will be available to all. Family (in all its definitions) will always be at the front, but in time they will have proper support. There simply is no sane alternative.

 
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Posted by on January 7, 2013 in Cultural Critique, Well-Being

 

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Exercising A Resolution

04 Jan

exercise

January is not the time to try and lose weight. It is dark, most of the country is cold and television is just starting to get good again. Yet people will flock to gyms and weigh-in centers by the droves. Fitness clubs and gyms are crowded and annoying for the first 3-6 weeks of the year. Diet (processed) food companies have been rubbing their hands together in glee for weeks (January 1st is their Black Friday.) The diet industry is a gazillion dollar industry, and if it worked it wouldn’t exist. All that said, if you insist upon changing your physical ways in January, it’s nice to have an encouraging coach:

Input

Most people fall into one of two categories of food relationships: “all things in moderation” and “restrictive” eaters. The former orientation allows for tweaks or portion control when looking to adjust the bathroom scale (which is meant only euphemistically as a bathroom scale is nothing more than an evil monkey and/or a terrific place to stub your toe each and every morning.)

The “restrictive” eater habitually refers to food (or their own eating habits) as “good” or “bad.” Their relationship with food is based on what it represents emotionally rather than what it does for them physically. Eaters in this camp have a more challenging time changing food behavior. Booking a few visits with a registered dietician could be a life altering experience for these eaters. Developing a layer of consciousness about nutrition and one’s specific physical needs could permanently alter food relationships. Eating will always have an emotional component, but like all behaviors there should be intellectual underpinnings.

Output

If there is any doubt that physical movement is as necessary as oxygen, visit a retirement community. The quality of life is vastly different for those who have moved throughout their lives and those who spent more than a few hours on the couch. A lifetime habit of motion is a wise investment. The key to any lifetime habit is to discover what one enjoys. For those who are blessed with a true passion for athleticism, the options are endless. For the rest of us we must overcome boredom, awkwardness, or (sigh) a childhood trauma of being picked last.

The first step toward the “movement as habit” goal is to ignore the rules. It isn’t that “weight-bearing” is not a fabulous tool to promote bone density; it is simply that too many rules can discourage one from any attempts at movement whatsoever. Simply put aside all notions of “duration,” “intensity,” and “method” for the moment. The second step is finding something to do that’s actually enjoyable.

You probably know if you are energized by the presence of others or not. You also have a sense of whether you’re a free-range person or one who thrives in regiment. For the socially motivated, fitness classes may be just the ticket. For the truly adventurous, there are teams to join. Volleyball, baseball, and bowling offer varying degrees of activity and socializing. The social factor may also be addressed by organizing one or two friends once or twice a week. Walking and exercise dvds are a wonderful background for conversation. For those most inspired when alone, anything is possible. You are beholden to nobody’s schedule or preferences. Put on the headphones and dance like there’s no one watching, buy a jump rope, go for a walk/run, or take up bicycling. The most important factor in any activity is that the body is moving and the mind is enjoying it. This will ensure that the behavior does indeed become a habit.

An important note regarding one’s diet and movement regime; know your true body size and do not distort it. Trying to outsmart one’s nature is simply an oxymoronic endeavor. An inflated body is as unhealthy and as frightening as an emaciated body. One’s head should not tower over one’s frame. No doubt several examples of such oddities come to mind; it would simply be too cruel to mention them here.

 
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Posted by on January 4, 2013 in Well-Being

 

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A New Year’s Resolution

02 Jan

confetti

January is not the cheeriest of months. Unless you celebrate Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday in an exceptionally festive manner, there’s not much to break up the long cold dark month. February has Valentine’s Day, March has St. Patrick’s Day and (depending on the year) some festive religious holidays. April has hope that the winter is over, and so on. But January is tough. It lands right at the shortest day, longest night time of the year and after months of anticipation of frivolity. Depending on the degree of anticipation or frivolity, January 2nd can be quite the bummer.

The noisemakers have hushed, the streamers swept and the glitter has flaked from our party hats. The decorations have been put back or tossed and it’s just the same old home again. Gone are the pretty distractions and “I’ll think about it tomorrow”-ness. We look around and the world (our own and the larger one) is crying out for our attention. Our work misses us, as do the mundane chores of our lives. The world is desperate for our attention both internationally and right here. We wake refreshed from our New Year hangover having to give serious thought to realistic gun control, mental health policy and fiscal matters. We toss out stale holiday carbohydrates as we consider local lives still upended by disaster. It is all quite sobering particularly after weeks of festivity.

There are those (during any time of year) who choose not to face the sobering reality; their tolerance level cannot bear it. They tuck deeply into their work, focus on family members and/or employ their substance of choice and manage the best they can. But somewhere between being swallowed up by the world’s ills and responsibility for repairing them, and turning away (literally or figuratively) is a sweet balance. Humans are responsible for the world they inhabit. People are also responsible for their own happiness. There are people whose very definition of happiness is caring for others and/or repairing the world, and we are grateful to them. For the rest of us we are most happy when are lives are a mix of internal/external and work/play. There is no greater feeling than doing something (anonymously) for others. But going out to lunch with a dear friend can be a kick in the pants too.

As we go forth in this new year let’s commit ourselves to being near and far-sighted in our view of the world. Let us be kind to ourselves, but never at other’s expense. Let us find ways to repair the world; at home, in our neighborhood and worldwide. Let us also find reasons to celebrate regularly. Let the calendar guide you (a full-blown MLK birthday party) or just your mood (take-out pizza is only to be eaten in formal dress.) Every month (if not every week and every day) there’s a reason to celebrate the fact that we’re still here! And everyday there are countless reasons to help to create the world we want to inhabit.

Happy New Year!

 
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Posted by on January 2, 2013 in Cultural Critique, Holiday, Well-Being

 

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