Dear Person for whom I have an address but don’t have anything to do with throughout the year,
Merry Christmas!!! It’s been a busy and fruitful year for our family and I’m simply bursting to share every minute detail. But first things first; you’ve undoubtedly noticed that I’ve dropped “Happy Holidays” in favor of the hopelessly old-fashioned “Merry Christmas.” You may be thinking to yourself; “Hmm, I had thought she was more PC than that!” And you’d be right! Don’t you worry; we’re still recycling, sending money to disaster victims and rescuing ferrets. But it’s been brought to my attention (thank you Rochelle!) that there is no tradition of sending
Channukah Hannuka Chanukah letters. I don’t know much about Kwanza but plan to learn (hip hip hooray for New Year’s resolutions!) So I’ve returned to our “roots” and am sending a Christmas letter.
Since you last heard from us Lionel has retired! That’s right, after 40 dedicated years Lionel has left the exciting and demanding world of mergers and acquisitions. It was a rather sudden decision but the severance package and security escort were just too much to ignore. Three cheers for Lionel! He’d be sharing this with you himself but has plunged head first into an all-consuming reinvention. He still leaves everyday at 8:25 but now heads for the basement instead of the train station. It’s not clear what he actually does on the computer until 6:20 but he seems more relaxed than ever before. The transition was not an easy one of course as our darling daughter Candace had been calling the basement home. But with a little shuffling, a little ingenuity (ahem; that would be me) and a mid-sized camper in our driveway, everyone’s happy. I don’t mean to suggest the neighbors are pleased, but Candace and her daughter Toronto are snug as two bugs in a can. That’s right; Lionel and I are grandparents!!! Seeing as we’re not Facebook friends you’ve missed all the wonderful photos chronicling the miracle of our expanding family. For that reason I’ve embraced the true meaning of Christmas and paid for custom postage stamps. YES that’s our darling Toronto on your stamp! I bet that’s the first time Canada has been on a U.S. stamp! Treasure this gift and please don’t feel obligated to reciprocate. (Rest assured her head is much more rounded now. If you were a Facebook friend you would have seen that she was crowning for a considerably long time. Hooray for video!)
Older brother Brent is ecstatic at being an uncle. He and his roommate Gerald were by Candace’s side throughout it all. They even threw the shower! They have converted Gerald’s room into a nursery for when Candace comes to visit, which will happen as soon as that camper is up and running! In the meantime Brent is doing extraordinarily well. As you might remember from last year’s letter, Brent has taken a sabbatical from his studies. His father and I are thrilled; seven and a half years of graduate school seems more than enough. He’s one smart cookie our Brent is and it’s high time he had a break. He’s joined his roommate Gerald in the hospitality industry. In just one month he mastered the milk foam heart swirl. That’s our Brent!
Christmas is such a wonderful time of year to reflect on our lives. Lionel and I never would’ve dreamed of all the twists and turns life has brought us. We are so humbled by Brent’s creativity and lack of materialism. We are so fortunate to have our daughter and her daughter in our driveway. All of these blessing do come at some cost however. Since Lionel is focused on his Internet pursuits it’s up to me to lend a helping hand. What are mothers for?! You may remember that I’m simply a whiz at organizing? Well guess what? It’s time to share my gifts with the world. Starting in 2014 I will be offering closet organizing/life coaching/college essay tutoring for a very reasonable price. For just $75 an hour I will put you (and/or your friend’s, colleague’s, family’s) life in order. I’ve enclosed 10 cards for “Lucinda’s Getting Your Life Write” and am happy to send more.
Wishing you and whomever you care about a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. And may we resolve this year to get our lives write!!!
November 1, 2013 at 4:31 pm
OMG– purely hysterical!