Did you know that you can be credentialed as a life cycle celebrant?  Nor, did I.  But I’m not surprised.  If we are a nation who can sustain life coaches, baby sleep coaches and stylists, there’s certainly room for life cycle celebrants.  (Is it me, or are grown-ups playing Barbie with their chosen professions? – “My Barbie is a fairy princess library lady who is a movie star and eats cookies.”)  Hey, there must be a demand, right?  Bed bug whisperers didn’t develop in a vacuum.  Clearly, people need their life cycles professionally celebrated.

When you think about it, it’s really not a bad gig.  There could be costumes, maybe linked to the life cycle event?  What does one wear to a “Your first pair of big girl underwear” party?  Certainly some theme on foundation garments comes to mind.  Imagine the fun of planning the “Now you are a woman” party for 12 and 13 year old girls (and younger I hear.) Certainly all aspects of reproduction create their own niche festivities.  When is the last time you were invited to a really rockin’ vasectomy celebration.  Of course, it couldn’t be a dance; the puns would be too tempting.  But a nice sedate affair where we honor the snipped and toast his future uninhibited personal life sets the right tone.  Suggesting a market for the onset of menopause seems a little 5 years ago at this point.  Many a mojito has been raised in sisterhood celebration without the assistance of a celebrant.  But there’s probably still an opening in the menopausal swag bag market.  (Let your imagination soar.)  People have also taken matter into their own hands in planning; “The gender of our fetus is now known” parties.  But has anyone cornered the market on the “My milk has come in” party?  If I got to choose, and why shouldn’t I, I would love to create the ultimate; “Congratulations on losing your virginity” celebration.  Done tastefully, it could be the most important party of a guy or gal’s life.  Of course the key to a really awesome event would be the element of surprise.  The party should happen immediately after the act.  I mean the split-second after the deal has been sealed.  Wouldn’t that be special?

I don’t mean to suggest a life cycle celebrant is nothing more than a party planner.  Far from it.  There must be solemnity, and perhaps smudge sticks.  There must be excruciating respect paid to any and everything that feels important to the celebrated.  Without people paying attention and even applauding, how would you know that you’re alive?