Great Jehoshaphat, southern gentility is reported to be on the decline! Perhaps you’re thinking that in these uncertain times, this news is hardly worth mention. But if you believe, as I firmly do, that social graces are what separates us from the animals, you are nervous.
Gentility on a micro level makes our days less, something to endure and more, something to celebrate. Having a door held open, versus slammed in one’s face, makes if not the entire day, at least a moment, less stress inducing and more gratitude inducing. When a person moves out of the doorway (of an elevator, bus, train) they are communicating (for a split second) “I am cognizant of not living in solitary.” It is our nature to want to be acknowledged, if even just physically. No one wants to be ignored (as we learned from Fatal Attraction.) At the root of boorish behavior is self absorption. “The world exists to tend to my needs.” It is not difficult to spot the trajectory of such a perspective. If we scratch the surface of a political scandal or corporate malfeasance, wouldn’t we find this mindset? I think we’d all agree that the root of any ponzi scheme is a desire to have the world attend to the orchestrator’s needs. Most of us are not global economic leaders, but like recycling, don’t we want to do our small part? Giving a pregnant woman your seat is the pebble in the lake of decency.
I am not entirely naive about the origins of southern gentility or how it can be quite manipulative. It’s just that I’m okay with that. Our culture is experiencing a political correctness frenzy. We feel compelled to put preposterous positive spin on everything, no matter how misleading. So why not employ that same smiley face/have a nice day rhetoric in being kind to strangers, or for that matter, friends? I’m going out on a limb and suggesting that the old south is not familiar with the term “frenemies.” Do you remember Melanie Wilkes referring to Scarlett as “spirited” bless her heart? Scarlett had said unkind things about dear Melanie and was rabidly after Ms. Wilkes’ fiance. What in the world would today’s Melanie post on Facebook? I shudder to even consider.
Helping a tourist, complimenting a stranger’s scarf, holding an elevator door, making funny faces at a crying baby, demand a level of awareness. It is hard to text, drive, drink from a sippy cup AND let someone merge into your lane. It is equally difficult to talk on the phone, drink from a sippy cup, push a double-wide stroller, and notice the person in front of you has dropped a glove. So if removing our plastic bubble as we go through our day is not realistic, how about doing so just when engaged in intentional social interaction? Why don’t we start with remembering that social interactions, large and small, are not about the individual, they are about the group. Throwing oneself a celebration (nuptial, birthday, etc.) means one is a host. A good host makes his/her guests feel comfortable and welcomed. A good (and even not so good) host does not invoice his or her guests and always expresses gratitude for their presence. Like accessorizing, civility is what separates us from the animals.
Here She Is Boys 
The White Hood Of The Web
There have always been people crouching behind barriers and throwing stones. In an actual battle, this strategy is in fact prudent. But when the stones are being thrown at unwilling participants it is abusive, and when the abuser is shielding him/herself it is bullying. (Bullying is by definition an abuser preying on a weaker person. Hiding offers protection, exposure leaves one weaker.)
Since the dawn of time, or since there were enough people on the planet to adequately ostracize some of them; people have bullied other people. Often groups decide that someone, or groups of someones are a threat to the status quo. The group itself gives rise to an enthusiasm and sense of protection for the abusers. Persecution of women in Salem, backlashes to integration and voting rights, gay bashing; we have a rich national history of bullying, And it’s getting worse.
We are in a time of economic uncertainty, political polarization, political correctness pressure and the internet. People have not become more or less decent, they just may feel more threatened. Nothing gets the bully’s goat like threat. But what brings the simmering increase of abuse to the boiling point is the rise of technology. Blogs, Facebook, Twitter, and countless website comment sections, have allowed for a new form of white hood. There is a vile cocktail of exhibitionism and hatred that litters the comment sections of legitimate news outlets. For some reason web editors and/or executives are allowing their brand to be a platform for hate groups. These posters use tragically uncreative screen names to hide behind, while rabidly posting. The unsuspecting reader is affronted with spewing from people calling themselves by war criminal’s names.
I am willing to concede, that just like wildly offensive television programming, the viewer can avoid the offensive material pretty easily. But I am concerned about the news outlets sense of responsibility and integrity. Offensive and abusive comments on Facebook and Twitter can easily be blocked and ignored as well. Even bloggers can block nasty commenters with ugly agendas. But where does this leave us?
The fact that we can protect ourselves from these high tech hooded thugs, doesn’t address the real issue. Why are we allowing people to hide in plain sight. Newspapers have long made it de rigueur to only publish letters from individuals with confirmed identities. Make no mistake, I am not advocating restraints on free speech. Far from it. But surely we have the technology to expose these people? The rest of us non-software engineers, should ignore the comments (versus engaging) and not patronize sites whose management allows for this behavior. People are entitled to be as dark and hateful as they desire, but civilized societies should not allow for them to do so in disguise.
Posted by Anonymous on November 16, 2011 in Cultural Critique, Media/Marketing
Tags: blogs, Brenda Tobias, bullying, commenters, cowards, Facebook, gay bashing, hate groups, integration, internet, Newspapers, Salem witch trials, Twitter, voting rights