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Tag Archives: Brenda Tobias

The Living Is Easy

23 Jul

beach

You may live somewhere unbearably hot and humid, or somewhere unseasonably cold and clammy; geography aside, the season holds a certain appeal. There is not other time of the year in which the message is “slow down you move too fast.” For three months (out of every year) we are expected to indulge in the lazy hazy days of summer. This mood and mode are in direct opposition to the other nine months of the year that can be characterized as “make a buck, make a buck” (to quote Alfred the Macy’s Santa helper.) It’s a startling contrast when you think about it.

We are a money worshipping society. Ever day there’s a study on wealth, a new report about what it takes to retire, or an expose on social mobility. “To infinity and beyond” is our national motto. We care less (collectively) about the quality of life versus its price tag. Yet here smack dab in the calendar year we’re told to kick back, put on our wayfarers and sip an umbrella drink. And yes, how we engage in these endeavors varies according to wealth. But whether your driver is taking you to the Hamptons helipad Friday afternoon, or your sitting on a folding chair in your backyard, toes in the wading pool, drink in hand, the mood and the intention are the same: the living is easy.

You may enjoy all the recommended activities of summer, or you may find all that outdoorsiness to be uncomfortable and buggy. What you do isn’t nearly as important as how you feel. You can of course choose to engage with summer as a competitive sport making your way through a “bucket list” (the very term conjures an unpleasant farm or outdoor plumbing experience.) That of course is your prerogative. But unlike any other time of the year there is no external pressure to do so. Summer is about sensory pleasure pure and simple. It’s three months of berry stained fingers, sand in your toes, the cooling breeze of a fan on your skin, and the sound of clinking ice (and the ice cream man.) It’s a season of forgetting your troubles and just getting happy.

 
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Posted by on July 23, 2013 in Well-Being

 

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A Delicate Balance

22 Jul

nurse

As long as the world exists there will be cause for concern. There will always be people treating each other badly, leaders using extraordinarily poor judgment, and exasperating public sentiment. It is tempting to become mired in the infuriating or insipid. But it is not advisable. Most people, unless they fall into the sociopathic spectrum, care about the world around them. Some of us are more inclined to empathize with the natural world; some consider human rights their bailiwick. There are others who are more meta in their concerns and look at the world as a whole and think; OMG! Whether you choose from column A, B, C or make your own hodgepodge, it’s crucial to keep perspective.

There are people who dedicate their entire lives to affecting change. Their work, lifestyle and every waking moment are spent trying to eradicate something. Most of us however are not chaining ourselves to trees or sleeping outside of the Supreme Court. We do what we do; write checks, canvass voters, write elected officials, participate in protests, adopt strays; and hope it makes a tiny difference. We talk about what’s important to us in the hopes of raising consciousness (and with the fear that silence=complicity.) We teach our children about our politics and social values in the hope that they will be engaged and do good work. But just a small step beyond this lays the tricky territory. Thanks in no small part to our 24-hour news cycle & group think of social media, we can easily become mired.

We know this is more likely to happen during any type of disaster (“disaster” for our purposes is defined as anything that is named and given a news show graphic.) Rarely is there any “news” after a disaster, but the coverage churns on. When the last of the confetti has been swept, the media rolls out the “how to talk to your kids about (insert disaster moniker)” “Experts” tell us how to speak to children of every age (hint: make it age-appropriate.) Nobody ever seems to question how a child would know of this disaster. Unless the child is directly affected by it, why is anyone exposing them to the incident? We run the risk of having our child think of the world as a frightening unpredictable place. There’s no reason for them to know that just yet. Let them wait until they’re big and strong and feel less vulnerable.

Disasters aside, dismal things are always happening and as adults we must find our way. We must walk away from the chatter and toward meaningful conversation. We need to know our limits and put down the paper or remote. We need to decide how much is too much and find our balance of engagement. Life is more multidimensional than simply repairing the world. Life includes relationships, celebrations, and pleasure. It doesn’t help anyone or anything to compromise these gifts of life. What point is there in repairing a world in which there’s no joy?

 
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Posted by on July 22, 2013 in Well-Being

 

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Taking A Shot At Racism

17 Jul

Stop

Race matters. It always has and it always should. People have a great affection and interest in celebrating their race and/or ethnicity. Pretending that differences don’t exist is absurd and offensive. But attributing value according to race/ethnicity is abhorrent. We have a long history of doing this in this country and anyone thinking that it is only historic is kidding themselves (or lives under a rock); the shade of one’s skin and often the branch of one’s religion still dictates where you can go and how far. One need only look at celebrities for proof. While the music industry has always been more liberal in whom they will exalt, movies and television have not. Anglo features (particularly in women) are a prerequisite for stardom. Fundamentalist Christians are acceptable, but observant Jews or Muslims are best served to keep it on the down low. Scientologists of course are always welcome.

Hollywood is hardly a relevant sample set, but it is an indication of a nation’s preferences. We could easily get down into the weeds and point out to the lack of Asians in leading roles (or roles that don’t involve a lab or mathematical prowess.) But suffice it to say that we are a people a bit flummoxed. It’s difficult (if not impossible) to dictate mindset. We can certainly address behaviors and have done so forever. We can write Declarations, laws, and policies to control behaviors. But we can’t change how people think or feel. We also can’t ever know how people think and feel. We can know what they say (which may correlate to their feelings) and we can know what they do. The very thought of attempting to change how people think or feel is overwhelming and disheartening; it is the equivalent of digging in loose sand. We could be at it forever and never know if we’ve gotten anywhere. But we can look around and spot where we can make a quantifiable difference in behavior.

We know that African Americans are victims of violence at a much higher rate than any other group. According to the FBI, the homicide rate for “blacks” is three times what it is for “whites”. Of these homicides, 82% were shot and killed with guns. These are astronomical numbers and yet where is the outrage? When 20 children are gunned down in their rural school we are outraged (and send money.) Of the over 7,000 African Americans shot to death (in 2007) over 600 were under the age of 18. Yet we are relatively silent. Where are our community and national leaders on this subject? How is gun control not being framed as a race issue?

No matter how strongly one feels about gun rights, there is no disputing the numbers. Guns kill and disproportionately do so with African Americans. We have a society in which anyone can get their hands on a gun (and anyone really can) and we’ve enacted laws which allow for using them on people. Knowing people as we do, this is ludicrous. We will never entirely change how people think or feel but we can make it very hard for them to act on those feelings. It is intolerable that the NRA has more influence than the NAACP in this country. It is unacceptable for us to not demand real and meaningful change. All the grandstanding and tepid gun laws and initiatives are a slap in the face to those of us who fervently want to believe that all men are created equal.

 
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Posted by on July 17, 2013 in Cultural Critique

 

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All The World’s A Stage

12 Jul

Playhouse-90-Requiem-for-a-Heavyweight

20th Century Fox has created a Broadway division to produce film-to-stage productions. This is newsworthy as they are the last movie studio to do so. It isn’t that Fox has shied from the stage; the ill-fated 9-5 musical was a Fox picture. But they have not had an in-house formal process for repackaging movies into stage productions. Now this type of news is likely to send a certain demographic into a bit of a crise (say; the kind of person who uses the word “crise” or “picture” instead of “movie”.) But if we slowly dismantle and examine the conceit, we may not have to draw the curtains and take to our beds.

First off, having a film-to-stage production division is not synonymous with big-box theme park type productions. It is also does not mean that dramas or even comedies will necessarily be turned into chirpy musicals. (I know, I know, you’re making your “Let’s start with The Color Purple” list right now, but hear me out.) 20th Century Fox plans to have 9-12 projects slated to jumpstart this initiative. They’ve indicated that these productions are not necessarily Broadway bound. This disclosure increases the odds that regional theatre will occur and to do so there will have to be smaller productions. Regional theatre is always welcome.

There was a time when almost every Broadway production took to the roads. (And this was back when there were dozens and dozens of productions on the Great White Way at any given time.) Often the original cast would make the tour. Not only did this give life and exposure to a play and its creative team, it made live theatre accessible. A diverse audience was cultivated and that in turn supported live theatre. More audience equaled more revenue equaled more opportunities for creativity (on the part of producers) and more jobs. Times have changed and the result of those changes is an elitism of Broadway. To get on a Broadway stage a production better be damn sure it will make money. A New York City audience is not enough to ensure a full house. Visitors must buy tickets and buy them at a very high price. If visitors come from lands no longer exposed to Broadway theatre on a seasonal regional basis; a little flash is necessary. A boldface name (e.g., a television star, a reality show contestant, or a recording artist) combined with a known property (e.g., a revival or film-to-stage production) greatly increases the seats sold. Ticket prices have skyrocketed, presumably to sustain the boldface salaries and bells & whistles of a big-box show. This in turn creates a phenomenon known as “consumer grade inflation” (just because I made it up doesn’t mean that it’s not a phenomenon.) Someone who procures tickets for a price of over $100 a piece (and I’m being conservative) is not likely to be all that critical. People aren’t stupid, (stay with me on this) they know when they’re paying more than something is worth. Ask any real estate agent how their clients behave once they’ve outbid other buyers. Take a look at people willing to dine at 5:30 PM or be treated like vermin by a maitre d’. Most likely they’re doing so for the bragging rights, and brags don’t begin with “Wow, was he/she miscast!” or “Lots of noise, little fury.” At $100+ a ticket you are going to enjoy it dammit. And that ladies and gentlemen is how the standing ovation reflex was born.

By bringing professionally produced theatre into the regions we stand to turn the tide just a bit. Arts education has suffered in public schools. It’s been decades since networks televised stage plays. Singing and dancing contests now dot the airwaves, and this should be taken as a sign of interest in the performing arts. It stands to reason that tickets sold by 20th Century Fox will sell. Yes, there’s a chance that X-Men The Musical will be green-lighted. But there’s also a chance that more, shall we say; human stories will be told. The simple act of developing a theatre habit has a ripple effect. People who attend the theatre on a regular basis are more likely to be a discerning audience. Buying tickets for a Broadway show will no longer be synonymous with buying tickets for a tourist attraction. A curious audience with an appetite for adventure will support more creative offerings. Less reliance on celebrity or flying machines means lower ticket prices. A lower ticket prices creates more of an audience. And so on and so on…

 
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Posted by on July 12, 2013 in Media/Marketing

 

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A Duty-Free Fable

09 Jul

NYTimes

We’ve all played the Monday morning quarterback game (or in my case the “still in previews, there’s time to fix this show” game.) The impetus for second guessing decisions is not as thoroughly obnoxious as it seems. Analyzing how others behave helps us to assess our own behavior and inform future acts. As we go through life we learn more about people and about the land mines of life that can lead to curious behavior. Most of us have a fertile enough imagination to explain most exhibited behaviors. And in a pinch; most anything can be explained away with; “They must be having a bad day.” Even when we see something bordering on the unexplainable we can piece together the mother of all soap opera story lines to make sense of our world. (Ex., That older woman throwing cantaloupes at the 16-year-old cashier just found out that she’s lost every penny of her savings, her only child just called to tell her she wants nothing to do with her, her husband just left her after 40 years of marriage, but not before telling her about his other family, and her doctor just called with the test results.)

We can empathize when we see people in large groups behaving oddly as well. When reading about passengers fleeing a crashed and burning airplane we (hopefully) can only imagine what was going through their minds. We can only guess what exactly would compel someone to carry his or her luggage onto an escape slide. We’ve all been on stationary and stable airplanes and can attest to the narrow and awkward aisles. Moving from or toward the exit with your luggage is never easy or graceful and usually involves banging into several people. Now picture those aisles filled with unhinged seats, smoke, debris and burning metal. People are literally on top of each other making their way to the exits. Taking up valuable space and time with one’s luggage during an emergency is hard to fathom. But if we give it a moment we can. What if some passengers are not just carrying a change of clothes? What if their journey was one of retrieval or discovery and in their bag are the results? What if there is a document proving or disproving a grievous crime? What if there is an heirloom or token that will give peace to a dying loved one? What if there are medications that can not be replaced in a timely manner? There are explanations that would help us make sense of a seemingly odd decision. Anything we can come up with is more pleasant than the thought of putting other lives in jeopardy for the sake of an iPad or change of underwear. It does not hurt to be generous in our imaginings as these fleeing people most surely were in a state of shock. But even the most imaginative or even compassionate of us might be challenged by the sight of two boxes of duty-free alcohol on the tarmac. What kind of impulse would drive someone to rescue their booze? It couldn’t have been unconscious; two boxes of liquor are very heavy. Even someone not terribly concerned with the well being of his/her fellow man would sense the danger to themselves. Making one’s way through a jungle gym of seats and debris with an unwieldy, heavy flammable box filled with glass can’t feel even remotely self-preserving. We could chalk it up to shock but that not one stopped him/her weakens that argument. Flight attendants cannot be everywhere policing everyone, but no other passenger stopped the human saloon? Did this person actually jump onto the slide with the boxes on his/her lap or did he/she send them down on their own? This is where my imagination sputters a bit.

We’ve all done things of which we’re not particularly proud and we all respond in our own way in moments of crisis. There are just as many people who are “good” in an emergency as there are those who falter. There are also just as many people who see the world (and humanity) as bigger than themselves. It stands to reason that the liquor courier was decidedly not in the “the problem of three little people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world” camp. But I think it’s safe to say that he/she was surrounded by at least some people whose impulse was to consider those around them. I’ve no doubt that some passengers and crew attempted to disarm him/her. I refuse to think otherwise. I also believe that most of us will remember this tale and will conjure it in moments of split-decisions. Outside of disaster and emergency it is still a useful fable. We all face decisions (big and small) every single day; most of them affect no one but ourselves. But when we are faced with decision that could affect others; at work, at home, in the world; it’s best to err on the side of generosity and compassion and to leave the box of booze.

 
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Posted by on July 9, 2013 in Cultural Critique, Travel, Well-Being

 

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