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Category Archives: Holiday

Please To Put A Penny*

08 Dec

My mailbox (and inbox) have been stuffed to the gills with donation requests since November. Cashiers in chain stores have been asking me if I’d like to donate to their company’s favorite charity for months now. The sidewalks are dotted with bell ringing charity workers (every time a bell ring and angel writes a check?) A person might suffer a wee bit of wallet fatigue by the time the holiday actually arrives.

If you find the notion of holiday tipping repugnant, I would encourage you to reexamine your stance. Whether one celebrates Christmas or not, we live in a country which considers the day to be a national holiday of sorts. Many traditions have developed in support of this practice. It is customary (when possible) to give employees the day off on Christmas Day. It is also the time of year in which people express their gratitude for work done throughout the year. Hence, the Christmas bonus. For those of us who are not a C.E.O. of a grand financial institution,the Christmas bonuses we dole out are more like, uhm, tips.

It is customary to tip anyone who regularly provides a valued service to you or your family, such as:

  • Grooming Professionals (hair stylists, manicurists, etc.)
  • Babysitters (for humans or canines)
  • Tutors
  • Cleaners
  • Home Health Aide
  • Handy-people
  • Newspaper deliverer
  • Mail Carrier**

Where one lives determines another list to be considered:

  • Assisted Living & Nursing Home staff
  • Apartment Building Superintendent
  • Doormen

I have often heard people grumbling about tipping their building staff. I would just like to point out that you probably were not forced to live in a doorman building, anymore than you were forced to eat food served to you by a waitress. It is implicit in the service sector that not all compensation comes from an employer.

There may be others you would like to acknowledge during this season. I would caution however, to consider a gift (versus a tip) if the individual is not a service professional. **And while mail carriers are not to accept cash gifts, I am a scofflaw in this regard, as my mail carrier is too lovely to me to be the recipient of baked goods (despite their indescribable deliciousness.)

How much one gives is entirely up to the individual. There are no hard and fast rules, there are only guidelines.  Never give more than makes you comfortable or than you can afford. Give the amount which makes you happy. Yes, happy. Tipping, like gift giving, is not the result of extortion. It should be a genuine expression of your thanks. And why in the world would you say thank you unless you actually felt gratitude?

Hee Haw and Merry Christmas.

* …in the old man’s hat. (“A Round About Christmas”-The Kingston Trio)

 
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Posted by on December 8, 2011 in Holiday

 

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Please Have Snow and Mistletoe*

05 Dec

The sand is draining from the hourglass and the flying monkeys are on their way.  A sensible holiday shopper realizes it might be time to panic.  Just a bit.  Perhaps you spent this weekend (with the very best of intentions) perusing the malls and holiday markets?  Perhaps, like me, you awoke slightly exhausted, a bit dehydrated and with a mild pit in your stomach thinking something along the lines of; “I didn’t really buy that dancing troll dressed as Santa, did I?”  Before you indulge in a refreshing bout of robust self flagellation, let’s consider reassigning the blame.

The dancing troll is not (entirely) your fault.  You were probably tired, overheated and improperly fed.  In that weakened state you had trudged through the maize of malls and markets with layouts and repetitive merchandise like Escher drawings.  At every turn you were face to face with that same sequined scarf, knit cap, knock-off Van Cleef & Arpels necklace.  After an hour or so, you could be easily convinced that those items are really all there is.  In your already weakened state, your hopes dulled and dashed by the stunning lack of retail creativity, you found yourself in line, clutching your troll as if it were the bronze medal.

If you don’t want to spend the next few weeks feeling you are settling (and why in the world would anyone ever want to “settle” let alone during such a festive time) I offer you some tips:

  • Prepare.  Sit down with a nice cup of tea and a notepad (virtual or paper) and write a list.  Do not venture out (in December) thinking you will be magically inspired.  You may, but that’s not a plan, it’s luck.
  • Stay away from “Holiday Markets” unless they are specifically artist or craftspeople organized.  Often they are just outdoor malls, which will waste your time and deplete your stamina.
  • Authentic artist/craftspeople markets, antique stores and real vintage flea markets are a veritable pot of gold.  Unique, lovely and often reasonably priced items are just waiting for a good home.
  • Museum, library and arts organizations often have gift shops.  Venture carefully, and preferably with a membership card, as often items can be pricey.  However, you really can find some very special items, and support a favorite institution.
  • Memberships and/or tickets to these institutions can also make lovely gifts.  Do make sure the recipient is a fan and lives in proximity, otherwise you may fall into that “I’m giving to my favorite charity in your name” trap.
  • Food and Drink should always be considered.  A carefully chosen bottle of wine or spirits can be very thoughtful.  Perhaps a bottle of the wine your friends are still talking about which they had in Napa?  Maybe a lovely bottle of sherry to go with those vintage glasses you picked up for your sister at the flea market?  Chocolate lovers make the best gift recipients, don’t they?  There is no shortage of artisanal selections out there.  Strangely, the same can be said for salamis.
  • Music.  Anyone who can hear, enjoys listening to music.  Steer clear of any genre which conjures associated attire (country western, heavy metal) and stick to classics if you are not entirely certain of someone’s preference.
  • Books (electronic or paper) make splendid gifts.  You may want to stay out of the chain stores however, as their displays may lead you to the literary equivalent of a dancing troll.

Remember to bring a snack, stop and sit periodically, and don’t bring a shopping companion.  There are too many distractions as it is.  So have another cup of tea, and go find the troll receipt.  And remember, like most things in life, with gift giving; “I suppose this will do” shouldn’t be the goal.  Happy Holidays!

* and presents by the tree – I’ll Be Home For Christmas (1943)

 
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Posted by on December 5, 2011 in Cultural Critique, Holiday

 

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Fill Up The Stockings*

02 Dec

Have you written your list?  Checked it twice, choosing to ignore who’s been naughty or nice?  Are you still at the “I’m giving only lovely gifts this year” stage?  The panic has yet to set in and you’re still looking at the gifts in the chain drugstore with condescending disdain?  Perfect!  We can calmly discuss the season of gift-giving.

Giving and receiving gifts should be a simple and joyful expression, but it has a tendency to get a bit muddled, especially during this frenzied time of year.  Receiving an utterly thoughtless gift can smart, particularly when some well-meaning, if a bit daft person, reminds you that “it’s the thought that counts.”  Exactly!  That is precisely why it stings to receive a maternity top when one is a size four single woman with no thoughts or signs of pregnancy.  What were they thinking?  Probably the same thing the giver of the coconut/banana scented lotion gift basket thought; “It’s December, I think I’ll clean out my closet!”  So before we go one tiny step forward, I implore you dear reader to try not to see gift-giving as retribution.  If you do not care enough to give a thoughtful gift, do not give a gift.  It’s really that simple.  Gifts are not contracts.  It is an act of generosity and thoughtfulness not obligation.  Your list will be shorter, your focus sharper, and your heart fuller, if gift giving feels meaningful.

So with our edited lists in tow, we head out to fill up our sacks and sleighs.  If you are (like me) not blessed with any gift making skills whatsoever, it is time to shop.  Let’s pause for a moment, yes?  Shop does not mean buy a gift card.  Gift cards are the work of the devil.  Many cards come with an expiration date(!) and teeny tiny print which when deciphered states “ha ha ha ha ha ha.”  Also, how is a gift card less offensive than cash?  It is not.  Sometimes it is far worse.  I don’t want to know what discount chain you think I would enjoy.  Our relationship is not strong enough for that.  So to be clear, we are shopping for things, not cards.

The easiest and most fun shopping is that for recipients who share our tastes!  Narcissistic?  Perhaps a tad.  But isn’t it fun to stroll though a holiday market, vintage fair, department store, museum shop, and think: “I would like that!” and buy it?  For the recipient who doesn’t share our taste or gender, it’s a bit more of a challenge.  The better you know someone of course, the easier it is.  Never underestimate the power of sentimentality.  Was there a favorite childhood toy or book?  Imagine the look on Uncle Stephen’s face when you “Rosebud” his behind!  Is there a cause that really means a great deal to your partner’s father?  A donation in his name is a beautiful gift.  For older recipients, a drop of nostalgia will yield joyful results.  Old photos scanned into a photo book or a single photo restored and framed makes a fine gift.  Teenagers (or savvy adults) can give the gift of technology navigation.  A gift certificate for: setting the DVR, setting up the contact list in the mobile, making the computer stop doing that thing it does, will be truly appreciated.

And the children, what about the children!?  I could talk until I’m blue in the face (not an attractive color on me) and people will still buy children simply horrid things.  There is no more than 5 minutes of enjoyment that can be derived from any gift which does not engage the child whatsoever.  Try and remember the gifts that gave you exquisite joy when you were young.  I’m guessing they had little to do with cross-marketing of television or film.  They might have been something you hadn’t even known you’d wanted.  That element of surprise and wonder is what we’re after here.  Consider books (I still recall the weight of the entire Little House collection) toys made from something other than plastic (what I would give to have that dollhouse again,) games which engage the mind (Miss Scarlett in the Conservatory, anyone?) music (such sweet memories of torturing my parents with my Creative Playthings instruments) or a beautiful item of clothing (I miss my first big-girl party skirt!)

Gift giving should be fun.  Truly.  Beyond the mall (real and virtual) there is an embarrassment of lovely possibilities.  You may still be the unfortunate recipient a theme sweater or prepackaged “food gift” this year, but you will feel a lightness of spirit knowing you a part of the solution.  Happy Holidays!

* We Need A Little Christmas – Jerry Herman (1966)

 
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Posted by on December 2, 2011 in Cultural Critique, Holiday

 

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Dressed In Holiday Cheer

01 Dec

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.   There is so much festivity that only the Grinchiest of us can not find something to enjoy.  Sidewalks scented with cut evergreens, lobbies festooned in live floral and greenery, twinkling lights and flickering candles; it’s simply mood altering.  It is no wonder that holiday parties abound.  Whether your invitation has arrived on embossed linen stationery or as an email blast, the result is the same: what to wear?!

Special occasion dressing is at its core, creating the very best version of one’s self.  Holiday dressing is no different, but comes with a few (easily avoided) pitfalls.

Sparkle, shine, shimmer are the order of the day.  Fear not, a strategic approach will prevent you from looking like a female impersonator on a farewell tour.  If you are heading out to purchase a new tog, tread slowly and lightly.  There are party clothes being sold which are designed for a very small segment of the population.  It is an unfortunate fact of life, that on most of us a gold lame smoking jacket only conjures Liberace.  Head to toe glitz should be avoided at all cost.  With glam, a little goes a long way.  If you choose to bedazzle your torso, keep shoes, jewelry and bags in matte.  A sparkly top with a black pant or jeans can be paired with a more glitzy shoe.  Be careful with your jewelry however, or that sparkly top may start to resemble a tree topper.  It’s all about balance.  Just as you wouldn’t show excessive leg with decolletage, your sparkly mustn’t upstage your shine.  Be equally judicious with nail lacquer and hair accessories.  It is easy to get caught up in the occasion with results similar to a gingerbread house in the hands of a kid with a frosting bag.  All admonition aside, have fun.  This is a great time to take a small step outside one’s comfort zone.  Is there a jewel tone silk blouse in the back of your closet, yearning to breathe free?  Have you been ogling a pair of tuxedo pants?  Is there a shoe so impractical it should be outlawed?  Have at it!  “Tis the season.

For business parties (keeping in mind that “business” always trumps “party”) a workplace outfit can be easily festooned.  Slip on a sparkly or shiny pair of heels, perhaps a patent leather pump in a kicky color.  Stash your necessities in a pretty impractical clutch.  Choose one glitzy jewel (sparkly earrings OR necklace OR pin.)  Holiday parties are a great time to justify those vintage brooches.  You are ready for the office party where you will drink sparingly and be your most charming self, and do nothing to cause regret or employment uncertainty.

Because one should never assume, the following are ironclad Don’ts: Thou shall never adorn oneself with a theme sweater as it saddens Santa.  Thou shall never don a chapeau similar to that of Santa’s for that is an abomination.  Thou shall not reference reindeer in any manner; including the wearing of antlers.  I can shoot straight, if I don’t have to shoot too far.*   Happy Holidays!

* – Scarlett O’Hara

 
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Posted by on December 1, 2011 in Holiday, Style

 

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We Gather Together

22 Nov

It’s almost time.  The turkey is defrosting, the wine has been purchased and we’ve unearthed the tablecloth.  We are poised for that magical holiday: when our family gathers around the groaning table for the annual telling of the “Time We Left Brenda At The Parade (and blithely journeyed on to Thanksgiving dinner without her)” story.  As the first words are uttered, eager faces turn upwards and the chattering ceases.  We settle into a quaint familial posture, reveling in this heartwarming tradition.  The story never alters.  The ending always the same.  The mother invokes her; “I knew she didn’t do it on purpose” line.  (Dear reader, I implore you not to spend too much time wondering how a child leaves herself at the parade on purpose.)  The father shamefaced, swears he has reformed his communicating ways.  And then we eat.

The variety of food is more or less the same regardless of who hosts.  The turkey has the most variation from year to year.  Butterball, free range, organic, kosher, we’ve had them all.  Under-cooked and over-cooked, we’ve lived to celebrate another year.  Sweet potatoes have been canned, candied, mashed and stewed.  I’m here to tell you, it makes no difference whatsoever.  Change recipes if you’re bored, knock yourself out if you love to cook.  But whatever you do, don’t worry about it.  No one cares.  This is not the time to channel Billie Burke in Dinner At Eight.  No one gives a hoot about the aspic.  You are not preparing for a gourmet magazine photo shoot (which is a good thing considering what they do to the food to have it photograph well!)  People are coming to your home because they want to be with you.  They are delighted to not be cooking AND to be fed.  They don’t care what state your home is in (as long as you have the necessities in the loo.)  They are not measuring the viscosity of your gravy or the moisture level of your bird.  There’s no such thing as a flaky crust in a pumpkin pie, and no one cares if you made all or none of it yourself.  Being knackered is no way to enjoy a holiday.  Buy what you can, prepare ahead of time and above all else, delegate.  People like to feel needed.

Thanksgiving is one of the few holidays we have that’s sole intent is gratitude.  There are no cards, gifts, tips or parties.  The only societal expectation is that we gather with family and/or friends, eat and drink in excess and give thanks for the opportunity to do so.  This year, just like every year, after the last bit of pie has been scraped out of the dish, and the top buttons have been opened, one of us will chime; “remember that year we all had the flu and the ones who could keep food down had turkey t.v. dinners?”  That, dear reader is what great Thanksgiving memories are made of.

 
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Posted by on November 22, 2011 in Cultural Critique, Holiday

 

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