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Category Archives: Cultural Critique

May Old Acquaintance Be Forgot

14 Dec

The eye of the holiday hurricane has almost passed and the residual New Year storm is right behind. New Year’s Eve, a holiday only second to Valentine’s Day for its ability to make people feel badly. Even if you choose to eschew the societal pressure to have the best night ever!, you may very well still succumb to the resolutions.

I am all for self-improvement and living with intention, but I am baffled by the resolutions. The fact that that may be made while drunk doesn’t disturb me. Some of my best moments of resolve have come when having gone just a bit too far. No, what bothers me is the time of year of this universal resolving. Come January 1st, we enter into the longest, darkest, bleakest stretch of the calendar. Not counting Valentine’s Day (see above) we get no break in the mundanity until spring (birthdays of political leaders notwithstanding.) An informal survey indicates that the majority of resolutions involve physical improvement. Yet our bodies and minds cry out for carbohydrates and alcohol this time of year. Layering of clothes offer no incentive to tone, and darkness does not invite activity. Our relationships with our screens becomes borderline obsessive (there is a reason television programming peaks during the colder months.)

Come mid-January, the bills and regrets start to appear. A fiscal resolution would be appropriate this time of year. And fear not, six weeks along, when resolve tends to lag; it’s tax season! Your accountant can take on the cheering role of a personal trainer. But short of resolving to not spend more than I have or to increase savings, I shy from New Year’s resolutions.

I tried it once. In my twenties I resolved to not have any regrets. Ah, youth. How charming, how utterly near-sighted and self-involved. Sweet. With the determination of a four-star general, I went forth and conquered.  Regrets? No. Creating a version of my best self? Not exactly. But what a great learning opportunity. I discovered that New Year’s resolutions were not entirely for me. I also discovered that behavior change works best (for me) when aimed outward. Resolving to; experience more generosity of spirit, seek out those who need a kind word or smile, offer help to strangers, all help to create a personal world in which I’d like to live. The very fact that I engage in this resolution year after year after year, does nothing to support the efficacy of resolutions. But just like physical fitness, spiritual fitness does have muscle memory.

As I struggle to stay awake on my couch, nursing a glass of bubbly, I will wish to you kindness. May you experience kindness towards yourself (eat the chocolate!) and kindness towards others this new year.

Happy New Year

 
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Posted by on December 14, 2011 in Cultural Critique, Holiday

 

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Not A Creature Was Stirring

12 Dec

If you are lucky enough to live somewhere that has experienced the first snowfall of the season, you have heard the hush.  In towns and cities small and large, a snowfall of any measure muffles sound through physics and through awe.  Stepping outside to the sight of a freshly painted world, we are reverent, quiet, stirred.  During the next few weeks, a season filled with candlelight, greenery, and religion, I am in pursuit of such silence.

I like sound.  I make sound.  But there are moments when the most beautiful sound is silence.  My day has a soundtrack, similar to yours no doubt.  Where NPR leaves off, my iPod picks up.  I’ve been told I sing rather audibly in the park, but I deny it.  I talk enough to be considered an ambient noise machine, and even have been known to take a call in public.  I can’t bring myself to carry-on a phone conversation on the street however as it seems to conjure my pushcart peddling ancestors (and I think it would break their hearts.)  But I do my best to contribute to the cacophony of the city street.

However, there are times when silence is its own stirring background noise.

There was a time when just stepping into a religious sanctuary rendered one silent.  I suppose there are still places of worship that generate such reverie.  A recent holiday service I attended inspired the women seated behind me to discuss the merits of DSW, the best subway route to DSW, the return policy of DSW, and each shoe in DSW.  Their crass incessant shopping chatter took a brief hiatus during the silent prayer.  During that portion they discussed an “obnoxious” mutual friend.  I shudder to consider what these women deem “obnoxious.”

Clearly “place” is not sufficient enough a prompt for silence.

Theaters are filled with shopping bag crinkly, slurping, chomping, talking, ringing audiences.  Ticket purchasers talk through the overture.  The overture!  (No wonder no one writes those anymore.)  At a recent Joan Crawford estate auction, people spoke loudly, as the lovely auctioneer toiled.  She kept track of live bids, internet bids and phone bids, all over a deafening din.  Once the Golden Globe went on the block though, well that was a horse of a different color.  As the bids climbed well north of $20,000, you could have heard a pin drop.  I suppose we are all entitled to worship any deity we choose.

I would suggest that we consider each other and the world we live in to be ample reason to hush.  Not permanently, not even for long stretches of time.  But for the next few weeks, let us be mindful of the noise we make.  Pausing the soundtrack of our lives for a moment, will allow us to make discoveries.  A sight, a sound or a thought will prompt a moment of awe.  This time of year, as we prepare to look forward and make grandiose plans for our new and improved selves, let us take a moment to quietly consider the world around us and our place in it.

Happy Holidays!

 
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Posted by on December 12, 2011 in Cultural Critique, Holiday

 

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Please Have Snow and Mistletoe*

05 Dec

The sand is draining from the hourglass and the flying monkeys are on their way.  A sensible holiday shopper realizes it might be time to panic.  Just a bit.  Perhaps you spent this weekend (with the very best of intentions) perusing the malls and holiday markets?  Perhaps, like me, you awoke slightly exhausted, a bit dehydrated and with a mild pit in your stomach thinking something along the lines of; “I didn’t really buy that dancing troll dressed as Santa, did I?”  Before you indulge in a refreshing bout of robust self flagellation, let’s consider reassigning the blame.

The dancing troll is not (entirely) your fault.  You were probably tired, overheated and improperly fed.  In that weakened state you had trudged through the maize of malls and markets with layouts and repetitive merchandise like Escher drawings.  At every turn you were face to face with that same sequined scarf, knit cap, knock-off Van Cleef & Arpels necklace.  After an hour or so, you could be easily convinced that those items are really all there is.  In your already weakened state, your hopes dulled and dashed by the stunning lack of retail creativity, you found yourself in line, clutching your troll as if it were the bronze medal.

If you don’t want to spend the next few weeks feeling you are settling (and why in the world would anyone ever want to “settle” let alone during such a festive time) I offer you some tips:

  • Prepare.  Sit down with a nice cup of tea and a notepad (virtual or paper) and write a list.  Do not venture out (in December) thinking you will be magically inspired.  You may, but that’s not a plan, it’s luck.
  • Stay away from “Holiday Markets” unless they are specifically artist or craftspeople organized.  Often they are just outdoor malls, which will waste your time and deplete your stamina.
  • Authentic artist/craftspeople markets, antique stores and real vintage flea markets are a veritable pot of gold.  Unique, lovely and often reasonably priced items are just waiting for a good home.
  • Museum, library and arts organizations often have gift shops.  Venture carefully, and preferably with a membership card, as often items can be pricey.  However, you really can find some very special items, and support a favorite institution.
  • Memberships and/or tickets to these institutions can also make lovely gifts.  Do make sure the recipient is a fan and lives in proximity, otherwise you may fall into that “I’m giving to my favorite charity in your name” trap.
  • Food and Drink should always be considered.  A carefully chosen bottle of wine or spirits can be very thoughtful.  Perhaps a bottle of the wine your friends are still talking about which they had in Napa?  Maybe a lovely bottle of sherry to go with those vintage glasses you picked up for your sister at the flea market?  Chocolate lovers make the best gift recipients, don’t they?  There is no shortage of artisanal selections out there.  Strangely, the same can be said for salamis.
  • Music.  Anyone who can hear, enjoys listening to music.  Steer clear of any genre which conjures associated attire (country western, heavy metal) and stick to classics if you are not entirely certain of someone’s preference.
  • Books (electronic or paper) make splendid gifts.  You may want to stay out of the chain stores however, as their displays may lead you to the literary equivalent of a dancing troll.

Remember to bring a snack, stop and sit periodically, and don’t bring a shopping companion.  There are too many distractions as it is.  So have another cup of tea, and go find the troll receipt.  And remember, like most things in life, with gift giving; “I suppose this will do” shouldn’t be the goal.  Happy Holidays!

* and presents by the tree – I’ll Be Home For Christmas (1943)

 
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Posted by on December 5, 2011 in Cultural Critique, Holiday

 

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Fill Up The Stockings*

02 Dec

Have you written your list?  Checked it twice, choosing to ignore who’s been naughty or nice?  Are you still at the “I’m giving only lovely gifts this year” stage?  The panic has yet to set in and you’re still looking at the gifts in the chain drugstore with condescending disdain?  Perfect!  We can calmly discuss the season of gift-giving.

Giving and receiving gifts should be a simple and joyful expression, but it has a tendency to get a bit muddled, especially during this frenzied time of year.  Receiving an utterly thoughtless gift can smart, particularly when some well-meaning, if a bit daft person, reminds you that “it’s the thought that counts.”  Exactly!  That is precisely why it stings to receive a maternity top when one is a size four single woman with no thoughts or signs of pregnancy.  What were they thinking?  Probably the same thing the giver of the coconut/banana scented lotion gift basket thought; “It’s December, I think I’ll clean out my closet!”  So before we go one tiny step forward, I implore you dear reader to try not to see gift-giving as retribution.  If you do not care enough to give a thoughtful gift, do not give a gift.  It’s really that simple.  Gifts are not contracts.  It is an act of generosity and thoughtfulness not obligation.  Your list will be shorter, your focus sharper, and your heart fuller, if gift giving feels meaningful.

So with our edited lists in tow, we head out to fill up our sacks and sleighs.  If you are (like me) not blessed with any gift making skills whatsoever, it is time to shop.  Let’s pause for a moment, yes?  Shop does not mean buy a gift card.  Gift cards are the work of the devil.  Many cards come with an expiration date(!) and teeny tiny print which when deciphered states “ha ha ha ha ha ha.”  Also, how is a gift card less offensive than cash?  It is not.  Sometimes it is far worse.  I don’t want to know what discount chain you think I would enjoy.  Our relationship is not strong enough for that.  So to be clear, we are shopping for things, not cards.

The easiest and most fun shopping is that for recipients who share our tastes!  Narcissistic?  Perhaps a tad.  But isn’t it fun to stroll though a holiday market, vintage fair, department store, museum shop, and think: “I would like that!” and buy it?  For the recipient who doesn’t share our taste or gender, it’s a bit more of a challenge.  The better you know someone of course, the easier it is.  Never underestimate the power of sentimentality.  Was there a favorite childhood toy or book?  Imagine the look on Uncle Stephen’s face when you “Rosebud” his behind!  Is there a cause that really means a great deal to your partner’s father?  A donation in his name is a beautiful gift.  For older recipients, a drop of nostalgia will yield joyful results.  Old photos scanned into a photo book or a single photo restored and framed makes a fine gift.  Teenagers (or savvy adults) can give the gift of technology navigation.  A gift certificate for: setting the DVR, setting up the contact list in the mobile, making the computer stop doing that thing it does, will be truly appreciated.

And the children, what about the children!?  I could talk until I’m blue in the face (not an attractive color on me) and people will still buy children simply horrid things.  There is no more than 5 minutes of enjoyment that can be derived from any gift which does not engage the child whatsoever.  Try and remember the gifts that gave you exquisite joy when you were young.  I’m guessing they had little to do with cross-marketing of television or film.  They might have been something you hadn’t even known you’d wanted.  That element of surprise and wonder is what we’re after here.  Consider books (I still recall the weight of the entire Little House collection) toys made from something other than plastic (what I would give to have that dollhouse again,) games which engage the mind (Miss Scarlett in the Conservatory, anyone?) music (such sweet memories of torturing my parents with my Creative Playthings instruments) or a beautiful item of clothing (I miss my first big-girl party skirt!)

Gift giving should be fun.  Truly.  Beyond the mall (real and virtual) there is an embarrassment of lovely possibilities.  You may still be the unfortunate recipient a theme sweater or prepackaged “food gift” this year, but you will feel a lightness of spirit knowing you a part of the solution.  Happy Holidays!

* We Need A Little Christmas – Jerry Herman (1966)

 
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Posted by on December 2, 2011 in Cultural Critique, Holiday

 

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We Gather Together

22 Nov

It’s almost time.  The turkey is defrosting, the wine has been purchased and we’ve unearthed the tablecloth.  We are poised for that magical holiday: when our family gathers around the groaning table for the annual telling of the “Time We Left Brenda At The Parade (and blithely journeyed on to Thanksgiving dinner without her)” story.  As the first words are uttered, eager faces turn upwards and the chattering ceases.  We settle into a quaint familial posture, reveling in this heartwarming tradition.  The story never alters.  The ending always the same.  The mother invokes her; “I knew she didn’t do it on purpose” line.  (Dear reader, I implore you not to spend too much time wondering how a child leaves herself at the parade on purpose.)  The father shamefaced, swears he has reformed his communicating ways.  And then we eat.

The variety of food is more or less the same regardless of who hosts.  The turkey has the most variation from year to year.  Butterball, free range, organic, kosher, we’ve had them all.  Under-cooked and over-cooked, we’ve lived to celebrate another year.  Sweet potatoes have been canned, candied, mashed and stewed.  I’m here to tell you, it makes no difference whatsoever.  Change recipes if you’re bored, knock yourself out if you love to cook.  But whatever you do, don’t worry about it.  No one cares.  This is not the time to channel Billie Burke in Dinner At Eight.  No one gives a hoot about the aspic.  You are not preparing for a gourmet magazine photo shoot (which is a good thing considering what they do to the food to have it photograph well!)  People are coming to your home because they want to be with you.  They are delighted to not be cooking AND to be fed.  They don’t care what state your home is in (as long as you have the necessities in the loo.)  They are not measuring the viscosity of your gravy or the moisture level of your bird.  There’s no such thing as a flaky crust in a pumpkin pie, and no one cares if you made all or none of it yourself.  Being knackered is no way to enjoy a holiday.  Buy what you can, prepare ahead of time and above all else, delegate.  People like to feel needed.

Thanksgiving is one of the few holidays we have that’s sole intent is gratitude.  There are no cards, gifts, tips or parties.  The only societal expectation is that we gather with family and/or friends, eat and drink in excess and give thanks for the opportunity to do so.  This year, just like every year, after the last bit of pie has been scraped out of the dish, and the top buttons have been opened, one of us will chime; “remember that year we all had the flu and the ones who could keep food down had turkey t.v. dinners?”  That, dear reader is what great Thanksgiving memories are made of.

 
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Posted by on November 22, 2011 in Cultural Critique, Holiday

 

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