I’m all about staying present, counting my blessings, seeing the glass half-full and all that malarkey. But sometimes, in my weakest moments, I find myself coveting a celebrity or fictional character’s life. We’ve all done it. Standing in that interminable depressing line at the D.M.V., who hasn’t thought “I bet Cher never has to do this?” It’s not that we really want to be Cher (really. Did you see those towns she played for her “farewell tour?” After year two, she was probably fantasizing about being me!) We just want to feel for a moment, that we aren’t part of some populace blob. Who doesn’t bristle or whimper at being reduced to a statistic? Which explains why lately, as I tackle big banks, chain pharmacies or my cable provider, I’m prone to fantasize. Yes dear reader, there are moments when I wish I was Aunt Bee. It’s not the ample bosom or indistinguishable accent I covet, but the way of life.
Aunt Bee was never told that her $63 check couldn’t be cashed after she had just handed the teller a $400 cash deposit. Aunt Bee would not have to fill out three bank forms (uniformly dotted with typos) confirming that yes her legal name is in fact her legal name. Everybody at the bank knew Bee, and if they didn’t they certainly knew Andy. In my pursuit of Bee-ness, I patronize as many small and local businesses as possible. I enjoy a familiar face that acknowledges they’ve seen me before (and the shopper in me appreciates the variety that comes from independent shops.) My weekly trip to the flea market is a great outing for my Bee avatar. There’s always a warm greeting and brief chat with the pickle guys. The (costume) jewelry lady was a tougher one to crack (I think she has that facial recognition disorder) but she’s up and chatting now! The pretzel man has a nice smile and knows I like the broken pieces. He always sends me on my way with a bonus “one for the road.”
There is nothing inherently unfriendly about big business. Friendly, well-trained staff can be employed in any industry. The issue is one of implementing policy. Any time guidelines are instituted for large amounts of people they are going to be very generic and rigid in nature. The customer is seen as an amalgamation of millions. You can toss around words like “client” and “guest” but what we really are is just a speck in the blob. For the record, the “people as blobs” strategy can be quite effective in areas of; crowd control, public health, and emergency preparedness. In other words, it works well in a crisis. But everyday, it can be soul crushing.
Any large organization (public or private) needs policy and strategy. The issue is how these policies and strategies are communicated along the chain. If the organization has decided (consciously or not) that policy will take the place of critical thinking on the part of employees, my $63 check will go uncashed. But if people are hired because of their problem solving skills and ability to translate policy into practice, we all have a chance of being Aunt Bee.
Everyone just wants to be recognized. Navigating the public school system should not be a competitive sport (for parent or child.) Talking to an actual human in the customer service department should not be seen as a tactical victory. Apparently our fastest growing industry is the service sector. If this really is the case, attention must be paid. While offering any color of car, as long as the color is black, worked for the automotive industry, it does not work for the people industry.
Here She Is Boys 
Have A Nice Day
The third Monday of January has long been recognized as the most depressing day of the year. This no doubt refers to it being a day that collectively, most people find to be depressing. It should in no way mitigate the individuals’ own special personal days of bleakness. But, it is said, that like New Year’s Eve, Thanksgiving and the like, the third day of January is a shared celebration. No silly hats, champagne or mini-marshmallows, this communal experience has more to do with hiding under the covers. It is the day on which we presumably realize the extent of our December expenditures and the temporary nature of our resolutions.
Well the third Monday has come and gone, and it’s safe to say the gloom lingers. If December is the month of “goodwill towards man,” January is the month of “get the hell out of my way.” The general crankiness simply can not be ignored. Ordinarily I chose to react to Scrooge McDuckery with thoughts of “oh that poor man must not be feeling well.” I force myself to consider the health emergency that woman (screaming into her cell phone on the bus) must be having. I am now running out of scenarios and patience. Even dear Pollyanna would be exhausted at the end of January. When the grumpy old man visiting my upstairs neighbor cursed at me in the elevator, I actually cried. Even the sturdiest of us does not wither from an old man’s curse. When the woman pawing through boxes of shoes as if looking for hidden treasure, pulled them all down upon me, I got a little sad. When she told me to move because now the piles of boxes and crumpled me were in her way, I got a little angry. And that must be how it starts.
The artificially induced good cheer of December is gone. Bills have mounted, social events have dwindled, the news is filled with political sniping, and we did not succeed at quitting smoking and losing 20 pounds. We start our day cranky, and then we are forced into a world with other cranky people. Even in the virtual world, you can see a spike in snark, I have not conducted an actual study, but observations would suggest that tweets and blog comments today are as dark as 5:00 on a January afternoon. There you are, reading through a news site, interested in the (potentially) insightful comments made by other readers and BAM!: the equivalent of schoolyard taunting and/or graffiti appears. Never insightful, rarely humorous, these remarks are the equivalent of a toddler’s tantrum. “Look at me” they scream, “I am SO relevant.” Of course these small minded snarks are always around, but during other months they don’t appear often on serious news sites.
It’s January. I’m no groundhog, but I’m going to estimate we have at least two months left of winter. Might I suggest we take a collected cleansing breath. Let’s remind ourselves that it is January now but soon it won’t be. The bills will get paid, one way or another. Spring is always a better time to start a physical fitness regime. And the best way to make the world seem a little cheerier is to be a little cheerier. Smile at someone. Hold a door open. Let today be the day you do not stand in front of the subway door. Ask the tourist if they need directions. And remember, just because you have thought of a snarky comeback, doesn’t mean you have to say it out loud. If Clarence the angel paid you a visit today, don’t you really want to see all the people in your past not having their feelings hurt?
Posted by Anonymous on January 25, 2012 in Cultural Critique
Tags: blog comments, Brenda Tobias, Clarence the angel, kindness, Mr. Potter, new year resolutions, Pollyanna, Scrooge McDuck, snark, tweets