When the woman was asked why she covered her gorgeous freckled face in thick pancake make-up she replied; “I was teased about my freckles as a child.” The woman is now in her forties. Another woman when questioned about her militant avoidance of grooming and style, explained that no one ever complimented her until she was 9 years old. She too was in her forties. Habit, is habit. We all have them, some are more charming than others. Kissing the spouse before leaving the house? Charming. Leaving the bathroom door open and carrying on conversation, not so charming. But enough about me.
The issue with behaviors that harken back to childhood is that they are rarely helpful in moving us forward. That is not to say that our childhood and adolescence are not part of us, they are. But I’m not sure we want to take our behavioral cues from our 9 year old selves. The point of aging (and yes, I’m told there is a point) is that we presumably get a little smarter with each passing year. We learn from our own mistakes and successes, we learn through our relationships with others, and we learn from witnessing life. By the time we are in our late twenties we know what “I’ll call you” means and not to take a craigslist ad at face value. Somewhere in our thirties we might discover that the operative term in “work friend” is “work” and we are all extremely expendable in the workplace. We may also discover that we don’t in fact “have a type,” but goodness, love and laughter comes in all shapes and sizes. In our forties, it is my fervent hope that we learn to block out all the internal criticism (well almost all.) We see media for what it is; photo-shopped, laugh-tracked means to sell us something, and stop comparing ourselves to what we’re being shown. We realize that we are never going to be as young as we are right this very moment. We stop wasting another minute being stuck and silence the mental loop of childhood indignities.
Recently a friend shared a story with me. During a work crisis, my friend kindly drove a colleague from the office. During the trip the woman regaled my friend with stories of how her mother ruined her life. In the dark of the car, held captive, he listened to tale after tale of maternal slights. That colleague was in her late seventies. Her entire life (thus far) has been dedicated to keeping that hurt alive. If you believe that this life, the one you are in right at this moment, is the only one you get, I suggest not wasting another moment. Choose happiness. Grab it with both hands and don’t let go.





Have A Nice Day
The third Monday of January has long been recognized as the most depressing day of the year. This no doubt refers to it being a day that collectively, most people find to be depressing. It should in no way mitigate the individuals’ own special personal days of bleakness. But, it is said, that like New Year’s Eve, Thanksgiving and the like, the third day of January is a shared celebration. No silly hats, champagne or mini-marshmallows, this communal experience has more to do with hiding under the covers. It is the day on which we presumably realize the extent of our December expenditures and the temporary nature of our resolutions.
Well the third Monday has come and gone, and it’s safe to say the gloom lingers. If December is the month of “goodwill towards man,” January is the month of “get the hell out of my way.” The general crankiness simply can not be ignored. Ordinarily I chose to react to Scrooge McDuckery with thoughts of “oh that poor man must not be feeling well.” I force myself to consider the health emergency that woman (screaming into her cell phone on the bus) must be having. I am now running out of scenarios and patience. Even dear Pollyanna would be exhausted at the end of January. When the grumpy old man visiting my upstairs neighbor cursed at me in the elevator, I actually cried. Even the sturdiest of us does not wither from an old man’s curse. When the woman pawing through boxes of shoes as if looking for hidden treasure, pulled them all down upon me, I got a little sad. When she told me to move because now the piles of boxes and crumpled me were in her way, I got a little angry. And that must be how it starts.
The artificially induced good cheer of December is gone. Bills have mounted, social events have dwindled, the news is filled with political sniping, and we did not succeed at quitting smoking and losing 20 pounds. We start our day cranky, and then we are forced into a world with other cranky people. Even in the virtual world, you can see a spike in snark, I have not conducted an actual study, but observations would suggest that tweets and blog comments today are as dark as 5:00 on a January afternoon. There you are, reading through a news site, interested in the (potentially) insightful comments made by other readers and BAM!: the equivalent of schoolyard taunting and/or graffiti appears. Never insightful, rarely humorous, these remarks are the equivalent of a toddler’s tantrum. “Look at me” they scream, “I am SO relevant.” Of course these small minded snarks are always around, but during other months they don’t appear often on serious news sites.
It’s January. I’m no groundhog, but I’m going to estimate we have at least two months left of winter. Might I suggest we take a collected cleansing breath. Let’s remind ourselves that it is January now but soon it won’t be. The bills will get paid, one way or another. Spring is always a better time to start a physical fitness regime. And the best way to make the world seem a little cheerier is to be a little cheerier. Smile at someone. Hold a door open. Let today be the day you do not stand in front of the subway door. Ask the tourist if they need directions. And remember, just because you have thought of a snarky comeback, doesn’t mean you have to say it out loud. If Clarence the angel paid you a visit today, don’t you really want to see all the people in your past not having their feelings hurt?
Posted by Anonymous on January 25, 2012 in Cultural Critique
Tags: blog comments, Brenda Tobias, Clarence the angel, kindness, Mr. Potter, new year resolutions, Pollyanna, Scrooge McDuck, snark, tweets